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Bangkok and beyond 'on me larry like' 2009

OK OK calm down....so this is my "travel blog" malarky. I realise only about 4 people are gunna read this, but none the less i shall try to keep it as up to date, witty and interesting as my fragile teenage brain can manage.

feel free to send me affectionate, amusing and abusive messages via the handy 'send anonymous message' tool on the right. good times.

love matt

Diary Entries

Wednesday, 01 April 2009

Location: Hong Kong

Sawadii...thai for hello! I am getting pritty pro at thai now. well there is not much to say really, i am no longer 'traveling' as such, i am spending the rest of my days in a beach resort place, its pritty much one big heavy party, as i write i am nursing a heavy hang over, its great fun. i wont bore you with the details, parties are parties..you get the idea. anyways off to lye in the hammock and conteplate life. x

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Location: Hong Kong

kooneeechy waah!! okk....after leaving thailnads northern capital of chiang mai i embarked on a epic 2 day journey to the islands in the south, the journey was uneventfull at most, met some cool guys and girls but thats about it, oh on the boat from the main land to my first island 'KO phang nan' i sat outside and destroyed my pasty fragile english skin :( i forgot about sunscreen so im no like a lobster, some local boys have named me "dang" which means "red one" in thai...so glad! my nose was hardest hit and now i need to wipe it eevry so often to reduce the pleaseant puss which spues from the lovely sunburst blistereds...hmmmm attractive! i am staying in a wee wooden bungalow its quint with a toilette and shower which doesn't work great, but i am not going to complain as i can hop skip and a jump from my front porch into the sea..EPIC! i spent my firsat night last night with some thai students my age who are here on a work expericne / "practise there english" trip, there cool lads and iv been teaching them my cheesiest chat up lines to use on the forign girls. today iv lounged in a hammock listening to tunnes bruv, KO phangnan is the home of the worlds beast raves so im phycing myself up for it with some psyetrance....the first BLACK MOON rave is tommoorw night, should be good...allready seen "magic mushroom" milkshakes flyers about so gunna be some trippy times. ok i'll let you know i get on with that, im off to find something remotly english to eat : / peace and love x

Saturday, 21 March 2009

olla...the last two day have been polar opposes of each other, basically day 1 envolved some seriously lenghy projectile vomiting, the majority of thai food is horrible, it seriously does not rate compared with the lovely thai takeaway heat in the oven meals from tescos. i was pritty dead in bed all dead, i went out to try buy some water and food...i decied to get a motor bike taxi for quickess (whyyy??) and was sick whilst coming back, throwing up just over this poor thias shouder, i wasn't sick on him but i gave him a generous tip for his toubles. was a very depessing day. the next day i felt ok and decided to rent a motor bike...iv neevr even riden a scotter before but in thailand you just give them 2 pounds and anyoe can go for a spin for the day. i got this nice lttle honda and went on the most amazig oad trip up this mountin, amazing huge curved roads and sceneary, riding a bike is easy and fun and im now thinking of getting one back in the uk (sorry mum). at the peak od this mountain was some epic temple thing, you have to climb a million steps or something lke that, oh and there was a bunch thai studens collecting money for charity and they all wanted there pictue taken with me???????? so i spent a good 5 minutes taking pictures with them, iv only been in thailand a week and iam allready a minor celebraty. the ride back down the mountain i could see a zoo miles in the distance so i ragged my bike down he motorway and went for a nossy, as pritty good, except for he 7 punds i spent gettng into the aqariam part wich consisted of a salmon and turtle. i then went back to my hostel, the entrence the hostile is pritty tight and my bike sklls just ween't up to make the sharp corner so i broke the lght and scratch her up abit :( its minore damage but stll annoying. as i type one of the thas guys has gone to take it to a garage, they charge double for westernes, so it worked out ceaper to pay him to tak it. oh and also i think my cards been hacked or somethign i have ow very little money :( not good news. luckly v bought a months worth accomadation allready, im even thinking of just come back after that months up. anywasys...oh and the keyboards in thailand are scrwed up some the spelling and words and stuff can get abit strange. peace x

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

salute! welllll....after my last entry i was waiting to go to chiang mai in the north, i got some gnarly night train which took about 14 hours. the morning i arrive in chiange mai, i did the whole seeing temples and shit....i am pritty bored of temples now, same old same old really. i sat and chatted with some elderly monk guy about what he did etc but like all friendly thais in the city the conversation soon turned to if i wanted tp buy something or go on some amazingly dull trip...so i soon left. later on i had a meeting about this jungle trekk i was going on the next 3 days, it was 6 so i decided to get some shut up..but classic me slept through my alarm and i missed it...so they wern't very happy, but i soon made amends and bought the tour guy 'pong' a beer later that night...the hostel has some comfy sofas and that sorta stuff so i chilled with pong and his thai friends all night...that wasn't really worthy of puting in the blog but the air con in this internet cafe is heavenly so i am going to take my time and babble abit.

soo...jungle trekking. the group i was with was awsome, right nice mix of nationalits..candanians, deutsh, germans, french..i was the only english person, but everyone made the effort to speak english most of the time. first off all we went on some elephants it was a great experince, but they did look pritty depressed all chained up like, i blew the budget and bought mine a a whole lotter fruit, it winked and smiled at me..we got on real good. the first day was effort...hiking up some insanely steep hills, i sweated alot and had to sacrife my spare socks to use as a sweat rag!! nice! we saw some crazy tribe people who lived of bannaanas and sticks i guess///the ones with the really long necks....i partically the enjoyed there slow whiney accent, "wooouuullllddd yoooouuuuu liiiiikkkkeee tooooo bbbuuuuyyyy sooommmee baaaannaaannnaaa"....no f'off. the first days treking was long and was a relief to get to little campsite, it was buy a river and a waterfall..really beutifull. the second day was alittle easier terrain, we slowley made are way along this lovely river, with amazing water falls at every 20 minutes, so we stopped often and went for a swim, i acted all hard and not scared jumping of the rocks..but iwas really crapping myself..but anyho. there would be serious health and safety issues in the uk witht his trek, we walked across logs and twigs with huge drops with nothing to hold onto, was ghetto..i liked it. the third day we did more amazing trekking and swimming then we went down the river on this little bamboo rafter was lovely stuff...ther was loads of funny little stuff that happened but its hard to put it all down...people falling in rivers, people falling in holes, people falling in poo...you get the idea.

we got back last night, and most off all decied to go out into chiang mai, the two thai guides took us the the most amazing reggai bar, with a live band...after a few beers we decided to play a game of 'pot luck coctails' basically going up to the bar potin at one of the many coctials on the menu (all writtien in thai).....i went first and came back with a lovely pink drink, complete with pink straw, little pink cherry...was very funny especially after a few beers. we all had abit of a skank, after we went to club spicy. soon atrracting many a thai girl which is sooo anoying,you would think it would be great but its really not...all the thai girls are used to middle aged hairy men, so i guess we must look pritty damn hot to them??? anyways...my french canadian friend 'jeremy' ended up taking one hope (he was wasted after downing two buckets of whishy coke), i met up with him today and he was a sorry state, both with amazing hangovers went and got a thai massage...i thought it was going to be a nice relaxing hour, but i was full back breaking, karate chopping stuff, she was walking on my back at one point! i walked awy all achey and in pain...hmmmm 2 pounds well spent i say!

tonight i am going out with some canadians to a night market and av a ganders, tommorow i am going to mai thai fight with them....the specia attraction is 4 blind folded children in the ring, wildly swinging and kicking...epic, i cant wait!

thailand is a savage wonderfull place.

Friday, 13 March 2009

righttt folks...let me start from just after i wrote my last blog. i wrote 'i plan to take it easy tonight'.....and how very very wrong i was.

i nipped down the road to pharmacie to get some water and toothpaste. whlst in the shop i met this thai bloke called 'som'. thais love english football, and reconsing my pasty british skin, he asked me which team i supported, we had a good 10 minutes of banter arguing why chelsea is far better than man uniited. anyways...this guy was visiting bangkok from chiang mai on busines....i am way to trust worthy of strangers...i was persuaded to visit this buddist festival, so i did....buddists are pritty cool guys, there come talk to you to practise english...but they still only want to talk about the footy...they know much moe than me.
rightt....so me and ths thai business man hit it off pritty ood, so we went together to this big night market, i stocked up on me fake fred perry and raybans...was priity chuffed, then he sowed me some locals fishing in the river...we then went and had one of the fish...cooked straight away in front off on a little street stove...i got a real taste of the real thai culture. we grabed a couple of beers (all this time you have to remeber this is some smart thai middle aged business man). we smoked cigars and drank beer and watched the football....what a great time. starting to feel pritty damm relaxed we went to a thai bar...it was far away fro the westerners aras of bangok and i felt a little intimidated. but arriving i was made to feel very welcome, i was the only westerner in the bar, and i was straight away swomped by a crowd of very hot thai women, we then sat and drank and watched the thai peopl sing and dance on this little stage (they are all amazing at singing and have no remores for what they look lie, great people!). i was masaged constantly by about 4 different thai women...they where taking it in shifts....my back has never felt so lose...an as for my inner thighs..coorrr! i have some very tongue in cheek photos of us, i was kinda taking the mick....i can magine 45 yar old single fat man enjoyig it serious but i just took it all as good fun! then the bombshelll..the BILL! it was...drum roll please.........180 pounds :(...apprently we where paying for the massages and every drink the girls had...even though i never asked them to come near me, as i said thai before thai women get annoying fast.

luckly i had no cash, so 'som' paid with his card. he then said to meet him the next day at the guest house i am staying and i had to pay him 90 pounds. he didn't tell me we had to pay for everyone in the bars drinks...so as that as my logic i woke up early the day and check out and movd guest houses..completly thrwoing him of my tracks. i felt abit guilty and it was abit cowardly off me, spcially as he had been a good guy to me. he was a well off thai busineman so he could afford it no problem.

it worked out as a double bonus moving guest house, as i ended up with an air con room for less money. after spending a few nights sweating my nuts off, it was a joy to enter this refrisherated room. at around 12 midday i went for a walk to get some water, the heat was just insane and felt abit sun stroked and still feeling the night befores antics i head back to the refuge of the air con. i ended up sleeping from 1 in the afternoon to about 8 at night...i couldn't beieve it, not wanting to go out, i watched the football on my tv in my room, and cut along story short..its 9:22 in the morning right nowthe next day and i hvn't beeen to sleep yet, really wierd and annoying. but i feel ok. i am going later on a sleep train up north, going through the night to a city called 'chiang mai'..thee i have aranged a hotel for a few nights and then going on a trekk thought the jungle and doing some elethant riding..savage! x

I had no cash on me and the nice thai businman

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

BOnjour,

well......the flight was real cushty, widescreen mini golf game...good times. i met a young chap, forget his name, going to dubai on my flight..we had a pint...pritty interesting stuff i know.

on the second legg i at next to a big fat aram and his familly....arabs are extremely ruse, i hate them. his big fat hairy elbo was allways about 12 to 14 inces into 'my space', and i had a beer with my breakfast to which he stood up and shielded his wives eyes (strict muslim) i ended up giving it back to the lady as it coursed such a stir...whatever happened to human rights??

having arrived in bankok i aboard a pimped out taxi, they all have full on body jobs and swish alloys, they look like rally cars, they drive like rally cars too, as we cut up and over took people at about 90 miles an hour down a narrow back ally, i realises how stupidly hot it is, its abi too hot in bankok i am looking forward to getting to the beach in the futures.

i got to my guest house, the wild orchid. the room is small but funcialional with a bed and fan. its 2 pounds a night soi can't complain. i arived in the eveing at about 9 so went for a wonder down the famous back packers ghetto of kho san raod, i instantly met a another guy and we went for a pint, siiying in a funky bar having pint did not take long to going full on mental in a thai club, the music was shocking but was fun with all the different nationalaitys and thai girls...thai girls are annoying! allways flirting you out of a drink...i ordered a whisky and coke and got givien a half liter bottle of whisky and a liter of coke and bucket, to which i did a pritty good job going through (was sick abit, proper rancid strong stuff)...i gave the rest to the locals, to which i suddenly became very popular.

Today i woke up with a hangover, the heat and humity really is not nice with a hangover...felt like death. i went to a bar to which i enjoyed a large slice of melon and glass of fresh orange juice...hit the spot and sorted me out good and proper. every where you go theres these 'tuk tuk' motor biks trying to get you to give you a lift to a place, they then get a commision for that place. one asked if i want to see the sights, so i said 'why not' so iv spend the day boming around the street with no regard of safety, no seat belts, nothing really to hold onto...it was a great experince and really fun. i v visited alot of different stuff, each place he dropped my off, then just sat and waited for me to return, really great service really for how much..only 10 p for about 3 hours of touring. i visited some great temples...they look sick and i got some great photos, its low season here so a few of them had no tourist so was was lovely and quite...i had a spiritual couple of moments..nah just kidding off course not. the catch with the tuk tuks are they make you go to to places you don't really want to go, i went to a suite making places, which i had to sit and look though fabrics..was very awkard..i think i am too polite to say no, plus my little tuk tuk man gets a bonus for taking me there. i also went to a jewlery shop which i just out right refused to go in to the disserpointment of my tuk tuk man, but i i gave him 5 p tip which he was chuffed about.

arriving back at the gusthour i went for a nap, i woke up thinking i had slept all day and night becuase the lighting in the guest house looks the same all yeae round. so i had a shower as if it was morning and crept down stairs to get some breakfast and plan my day...as i went down stairs i see people having dinner to which i relaise its 6 in the eving and i had only slept a few hours..strange, its now 6:40...and i am going to get some noodles or something like that and grab a beer, i think i'll take it easy tonight.

now your up too date, nothing very exciting so far, oh yeah iv sorted out a months worth of traveling and accomadtion etc, so im doing jungle trkeing and eeeing some tribe people..i leave on friday. love.


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Recent Messages

From the girl
hello you,
I just read ur latest blog..
hanging with the thai buisnessman sounds..erm..interesting. ha!
i guess you gotta just think if it seems to good to be true, it probably is...but result you managed to sneak off b4 he found u! brilliant!..i dont know whether id have the guts to do that. nice one!
what are the beaches like?...you going to the full moon party? my friends have been and apparently its insane, thow i hear the drugs are really bad so id keep completly clear of them...!
well im lookin forward to your next installment of randomness..xxx