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Jakeyboy & Friends Wacky Adventures

Hey All,
Welcome to Jake & Friends wacky tour of the UK, South America and beyond! The term Jake's Friend will consist of anyone prepared to listen to my crap stories over a beer as well as some quality Ex-Armadillos and Dubbo Crew that we will be meeting along the way. There is sure to be many twists and turns and I intend to give you a true account of what I've been upto OS. In my words I vow to "Keep it real."

Diary Entries

Saturday, 12 February 2005

Location: Brighton, UK

Hey Oz,
Well I thought everything would quite off a little bit when I got to Brighton. However, as always something always crops up!

I've was living with Richo and Ciera in Hove on a couch for about a month. Berry has finally made it hear and we now are the proud owners of a flat and not much else. It did however, come with its drama’s. On the morning of the big change over of money for our new pad, I had to get some money out to pay for the bond. Sounds simple in theory as I had the money in my account and the card needed to retrieve the funds from my bank account. WRONG! I ended up trying every ATM in a 1km radius of me with no joy. I then decided to go to the internet cafe to check my account with Berry breathing down my neck, worried that I didn't have the cash! After a minute of looking at my account and confirming that I did have cash two police officers strolled in and asked if we could answer a few questions. Someone had rang the police believing that we may have stolen credit cards on our person as we were frantically going from ATM to ATM and looked rather stressed. We then attempted to explain our situation. The explanation landed on deaf ears! We had to empty all our pockets out, give our name and address (We couldn't remember where we were moving too!) and then got patted down for our troubles. NICE ONE! All this before 10.30am. At least old mate explained our situation to the lady at the counter. However, she still keeps her eyes peeled on us everytime we go to the internet cafe.

We've also had a couple of bizzar nights out hear. One night we went out to nightclub for 'Thank funk it's Friday.' All good! Plenty of good tunes and gorgeous people (Except us!) out and about. Anyway, this girl was obsessed with my hat and kept taking it off me. Time and time again. I was going from dancing fun loving Jake to pissed of Jake very quickly. In the end I thought Berry was taking one for the team. But he insists that she wouldn't leave him alone. I believe him she was a FRIGGEN PHYSCIO. She even tried sneaking into another room were I caught her putting it into her bag. I swear I'm a dikchead magnet!!! This would be come I'm sure I'm a dikchead magnet by the end of the evening. After that she had the nerve to go upto the other boys and tell them that they were the rudest boys she has ever met before slapping them both in the face and leaving. When I went over 10 minutes after Berry was still in shock!
After that we decided to get a late night feed to conclude the evening. Sounds simple, not for this crew! Especially when you have a Dikchead magnet in the group. We all went in to buy some chips. Anyway, Richo had heaps of shrapnel from the night’s festivities. However, as Richo was counting out some of his copper the old fella said he doesn't take copper coins. STRANGE! Particularly when you live in a spastic country that has copper coins as legal tender. Anyway, that's OK as we paid, the old fella picked up all the Richo's copper coins and put them on his counter. No one said anything but I decided to grab them anyway as we are all skinned over here. Then he accused me of stealing the coins. This resulted in me politely telling him bla bla bla your a stinking Jew bla bla bla! Anyway, within one night of going out in Brighton I have reduced my takeaway food alternatives by 1.

I went to the Hoods a couple of weeks ago with Dorney and Packer. Tickets sold out really quick or more like quicker than three Aussie's can work together. Anyway, the lads assured me that we were on the door for the gig so I cracked it up to London that night after getting the call at 5.30pm to see the Hill Tops. I arrived about an hour before the gig to be inundated with Aussie accents everywhere. Very trippy. There was a line of about 250 Aussies hoping to get tickets on the door. We were lucky. Our name was on the door with about 250 other people which meant we had bucklies of getting in unless we were on the Hill Top Hoods guess list. I said I knew their names but it didn't cut the mustard. The boys arrived and attempted to get in with no joy also. Luckily I managed to get two tickets of a chick. However, as you may know 2 doesn't go 3 ways. Dilemma. Rock paper, scissors even felt a little bit harsh for such an event. So I decided to go up to old mate. Firstly he said 'where did you snag them from' as he knew that I had no tickets. I said 'never mind that' and went into best selling speal I could muster with no alcohol. After about 3-4 minutes of non stop talk I had old mate like putty in my hand. RESULT. Anyway the hoods went off and the whole ordeal probably added to the event. However, just once I want to go to a concert without any hick ups!

Berry was slowly going insane with no TV. He was wondering aimlessly around the flat making weird and cookie noises just to keep himself going. However, a lovely lady from his old work has changed all that and he has been going great guns lately. He also, has a job with Americian Express which, is kinder funny since he hates America. However, as Richo says 'you've got to eat.'

I on the other hand have bought all of Struggle Street and have 5 Hotels on everything! (Monopoly). I've quit 3 jobs within a day of starting and have walked more k's than Cliffy Young in the last month. However, things are starting to turn around as I think I've got a gig selling gym membership.

Anyway, until next time. Stay cool.


PS There are no photos as I've left my camera as collateral after breaking their couch after Aussie day. Long story!!!

Sunday, 16 January 2005

Location: Kirchburg, Austria

Hey Oz,
How is the New Year treating you? We have been fairly busy since I last spoke. The crew has been reduced to two. With Joey leaving to go to Scotland and Dave going to Denver for 2 weeks, leaving Nick to fend with me for a bit! A tough job for all concerned!

Nick and I had a brainwave to head for the snow for a bit on the Monday. By Tuesday it was all booked and by Saturday we were on the plane. Like all good aussie travelers we look into everything before signing on the dotted line. NOT!!!

Everything was smooth sailing despite having to get up at 5.30am until we reached the airport in Munich. We were supposed to meet the bloke to transfer us to Kirchburg. However, in our haste Someone had forgotten where we were meant to be picked up? This someone (We'll use code so as to not hurt his reputation) or ND had left the piece of paper at home. Then ND and JL we're looking around like to farmers looking for a needle in a hay stack for a dude in some sort of vehicle mover. Could be a car or could be a bus or could be a truck with chickens. Who the fcuk knew!! Anyway JL spotted another aussie looking fella, who just happened to be our ride. RESULT! Anyway, then we hopped into our chariot. A dodgy looking Bongo van. Alarm bells are ringing! This little American dude from California was in the front talking constant shti and saying the word 'dude' and 'Fcuk' 4 times in every sentence. I'm starting to go from lade back Jake to breaking point Jake very quickly. Anyway, he ended up being a really cool bloke who just said 'dude' and 'fcuk' alot.

We ended up getting there to late to snow board so we decide to have a few quite ales before getting all of our equipment ready! The little American set me up with a game of coins he even a brought a quarter for the game. Lanyon was on the back foot and this little American (5ft2") looked to be going strong. Anyway, Lanyon had recovered to put the little fella in bed by 7.30-8.00. After another 20-30 pints, a half pint of 80% rum, gin and something else, alot of crazy dancing and Nick falling asleep and re-decorating his corner we were fairly well known around the traps.

Woke up at 8.00am to a wicked headache and not much memory. Nick said 'we had to go and to get my boots and board.' To which I replied 'I haven't got one yet.' So I ended up grabbing the first board that I saw and headed up the slope with the others. We decided to take no lessons as we can generally pick up anything we set our hearts on. WRONG! Everyone left us to fend for ourselves. I lost Nick early on as I got a fair bit of pace up with not much knowledge. Now I had to get back up the hill. The little American advised me to stay away from T Bars. GOOD ADVICE except there was nothing else. So off I got only to get 15 metres before falling over. Like all good aussies I refused to die trying to pull myself up only to be dragged up half of the mountain. T Bar 1 Vs Lanyon 0. I had to fly down a slope and to half a run. I went up with a skier next only to see my friend Nick doing exactly what I did moments before. FUNNY STUFF. I started to get the hang of it and would just politely ask a skier to take me up. RESULT. T Bar 1 vs Lanyon 1. Then somehow I went down the wrong run were I and all other snowboarders ha alot of trouble. I then unstrapped to check out a lovely lady only to find my board was flying down the hill. I remember the little American telling me how important the little clip was attached to the shoe lace. TROUBLE. I took off like the Jamaican bobsled team in Cool Runnings only to fall and slide 50metres on my stomach. Did manage to get my board and back up the slope. Meanwhile Nick had done the same thing only to spend 4 hours trudging in 3 foot snow back up the mountain. Mountain 1 vs Boys 0. So by day 1 we were well known on slope and hostel.

We went out bowling Austrian style. Only 8 pins and a piddly little bowling ball. Anyway fairly boring as strikes are rare. Someone said whoever can do the funniest bowl is the winner. Bad idea with this crew! I ended up jumping the rope which is the line in Austria and hurled myself and the ball at the pins for a classic (I'm a DH!) strike. Did however, get some laughs and the win. We then went out with Wally for a few ales. We also managed to get a few freebies for our troubles. Especially when we showed our dancing process to anyone willing!!!

Day 2. I was extremely confident after developing a need for speed and being able to stop without killing myself. Lasted 30 minutes max before ripping the binding out of my trusty board. Mountain 2 vs LANYON 0. Had to trudge back up the mountain with my tail between my legs.
Drowned my sorrows to meet some cool aussies who said to head to the ski shop and hire a board on mated rates. RESPECT!

Day 3. got a new board with click in boots. Way to go. Nick and I went hard all day and had our best day snowboarding together as this was a extremely rare occurrence. Progress score or levelled up! Mountain 2 vs Boys 2. Then we had a spell and reluctantly went out for some night Tubbing. Tubbing involved heading down a hill on a tyre tube. We had heaps of fun and were ready to finish when Tess our leader said Nick and I should go one more time as it was freshly formed. Bad idea! Nick and I decided to go together to get more speed up. More speed = more fun. WRONG! All was going well we were flying down the hill. We hit a slow moving tube who should have been in the slow lane which sent us down the hill with our legs facing the wrong way. Some of you may ask what's wrong with that. Well in tubing you use your legs to stop so we effectively couldn't stop. All I can remember is saying 'dude put your feet down... dude put your feet down....DUDE!' before hitting a wooden shack at roughly 40km's an hour it felt more like 60km's. I hit first with my shoulder causing me to bounce off about 1m and a half of metal table leg. Nick bounced off much the same but; hit the shed with his hip! Both of us walked away relatively OK when all is considered. I MEAN THE FACT THAT WE HIT A UNMOVEABLE OBJECT AT 40-60km's AN HOUR! All I can say I wish we had a video of it because we would be on the internet celebrities by now. FUNNY STUFF!
Had a few beers to numb the pain and also count how many live each of us had left.
Day 4 No Boarding to sore did have a ale for pain release only!
Day 5 Much the same as Day 4.
Day 6 Much the same as Day 4
MOUNTAIN 3 vs LANYON (retired hurt).
Day 7 Went home. As we left I shook my fist at the mountain like Dr Claw on Inspector Gadget while muttering 'I'll get you next time time'. I think we had a mutual respect for each other!!! NOT. I would have got the ecouragement award or best club man!!! I was looking forward to getting back to London!
All in all Austria was EMOTIONAL!!! Not as much boarding as I would have hoped. I did however, meet a heap of people who new someone that Nick or myself new. Two of the boys were even in Inverness when I was with the rugby tour. Trippy.
Anyway, I'm off to Brighton tomorrow. Should be excellent to chill out for a bit. I Hope everyone is well and is having a top time in OZ.
Until next time over and out.


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Recent Messages

From Paul Durkin
Hey Jake,
Great photos. Looks like you still like the odd drop. Better hve a gin and squash for me.

Cheers, Durko
Response: Hey bro, Great to hear from you. When are you getting married?
From Rastus & Haysie
Hoy hoy Lanyon,
We are writing from the Macquarie Regional Library. Our time is short which is fitting really. Hope all is going swimmingly. Hayes will be in London in about a month. That is all for now. Love you man.
Rastus & Haysie
Response: Keep the dream alive!!
From Nashid
hey dude!
swear think u might have the worst luck:) but hey u having a wild time. miss our scottish days, and of course our tri nations.
liv is coming soon, would be so cool to see u in SA sometime.
luv always
Response: Awesome. You'll have so much fun. I definately want to come to SA one day and catch up!
From Xanadu
About time we had an update Mr! Wish I'd been there for the Hoods -despite the ordeal. Yes, JBT was brilliant, did keep an eye on the drummer (wow!) and after, outside the pub I managed to get a wink and two big smiles! Surprised Berry didn't tell you. He's probably still jeleous. Yep, aid work in Africa, but perhaps closer to Durban in 'The Valley of a Thousand Hills'. Love you, stay safe, Xan xo
P.S. White Xmas & Ice Skating in Paris? I've got a villa 10mins out.
Response: Hey dude,
I'd love to go Ice Skating in Paris. Great to hear from you. Hope all is well and you had a great birthday.
From Luke
Hi Jake,
Just a quick hello. Hope you are well. Do you know Lainie Morris? Her brother Tom is working in Ouyen at that moment.
Catch up soon.
Response: It's not ringing any bells!!! Where did she know me from? I'm coming up with nothing!
do a farken update you poofter
Response: Chill! It's hard to do an update when I've been doing jack.
From Cuppa
Boys keep up the good times and don't use them all up just yet. I have just put my resignation in and will be over there with Butt in time for ANZAC Day at Gallipoli. US for two weeks on the way. Pick up two extra Brazilians as we are on our way.
Response: Nice brother! We'll definately catch up for a few ales!!!!
From Briony
Hi Jake,

Hope things are well. Got your email will copy the photos for the relos now. I will not be able to access email for the next weeks or so. So until then have fun,
Response: Hey Bri, Thanks for that! I hope all is well with you, Luke and Jackson. Miss you all heaps. Say hi to all the family for me. Love Jake
From Steve McGilchrist
Keep up the great work Jakey. Love the emails, love the site. More photos of scantily clad women!!!
Emu's have started training already - will be having Roos for breaky this year..........
Cheers Tex
Response: Talk it up Tex the Roos will pump the Emus this year! As for the ladies you know I'm to nce of a guy to do that!!!!
From Pheeb
Hey Jakey! God you make me laugh, I've got sore stomach muscles! Sounds like you might be staying away from the slopes for a while- and I thought I was crazy on a set of skis! Dubvegas has been fairly well behaved this summer, only a couple of big nights, although I don't know what Aussie Day is going to bring.... Off back to Perth next Friday, looking forward to having a few more adventures! Keep the e-mails coming, they're hilarious!
Love Pheeb xoxox
Response: Pheeb's great to hear from you! I'm currently in Brighton with Rob Berry. Looking for some work and a few more adventures!!!! Luv Jake
From Kate
Hey hey Jakey Boy,
Sounds like your having a ball! Not missing much in Dubs, all is pretty quiet. Keep up with the entertaining updates... very funny!
Love Kate.
Response: Thanks Kate. I try to please!!!Hope all is well with you. Say Hi to the hub crew. I do miss you madies!!!
From Xanadu
Thanks for the laugh/s this morning, just what I needed!

Have decided to go to Kenya and help out prior to Europe so not sure when I'll reach you but we will absolutely 100% hang out together and show Europe how to really dance. I'll let you know more soon.

Off to Syd next week for JBT @ Enmore Theatre - jealous? I'll be lucky to grab his attention as apparently Chuck and he are besties these days!

Need tea, gotta fly.

Xan xo
Response: Yeah Chuck, told me there besties!!! Kenya, sounds interesting. Are you gong to do aid work??? I'm jelous as hell that your going to see JBT (PS Watch the drummer. He's cool!!!) I'm trying to see the Killers, Zutons or The Doves. Chemical Brothers are also on my hit list.
From Wheato

Are there any backpackers there clinking their spoon on their plates at the early hours of the morning? Fcuk I hope so!!!

Yes, instant family are well. Mum and the kids said to say hi.


Response: Yeah dude, They love my antics over here. I herd you broke your mum's leg skiing!!!! Say hi from me.
PS If you guys split. Will you have to pay child support???
From Connor

f cken great story mate, really made my wednesday morning - you magnificent bastard!! keep up the excellent aussie work.

Response: Did you notice anyone in those photos????? Have a look. Some German bloke said he knew you from some previous life!! i think his name was Hans.
From Moff
Hey there Jakey
Glad to hear you're having an awesome time - am insanely jealous.
I'm still in WA and living large -loving all the sand and surf. Keep all the great stories and photos coming!
Love Moff
Response: Hey Moff,
Awesome to here from you. Nick and I are in Austria attempting to Snow Board. Almost died yesterday. Will make for a good story. Glad all is well in the West.

From alice
hi jake! it all sounds awesome! your little adventures really brighten a quiet day in west dubbo (no houses burnt down yet, only 1 person missing...) i had a swim at sunny avoca for you on the weekend, and i'm sure andrew would want to say G'day if he had internet access! love alice
Response: Hey Alice,
Great to hear from you and Milhouse. Miss you all heaps. Terrible news about Dubbo. I hope it chills out for a bit.

From parrot
Wish I was over there mate the season turned to dust here in the Mallee with a hot dry finish and then summer rain for insult. Josh and Em are off to Melbourne next week for work so will be a man down over this way. Am living with Doc and a few fellas in Ouyen now and going well. Say G'day to Joey, Packer and Dorns.

Response: Hey Ev,
Bad luck loosing some quality friends in Vic. We were lucky back home. All the wheat went through as ASW and averaged over a ton. Barely didin't fear so well. All the lads are well, except Nick and I are extremely sore after a Tubing acident. Will explain in next email.

From Barrard
Hey there champ. sounds like its going well as can be expected from you. had luke and shona's wedding, saturday...bloody tops time, real good crew and some good stories to tell which i'll let you in on later. rastus was the mc too and would've been good if he wasnt so arrogant. their off to tassie today and said to say big up yourself. anyway mate keep it real, stay cool and peace out rabbit...barrard
Response: Awesome Bro! Wish them all the best from me. Skiing in Austria at the moment with Nick! Rabbit
From Xanadu
Heya Handsome!

Excellent reporting notes - perhaps a career change to Journalism is in order. You could give Kimball a run for his money -someone needs to.

Am busy saving to jump on a jumbo in July for a Spain summer. Have taken on working nights as well at the local pub, keeping me off the streets.

Berry, Wiseman and Alice visited Gresford yesterday arvo, very cool!

Tell Nick I say G'day. Have fun skiing!

Love ya long time, Xanadu xo

Response: Hey dude, Cant wait until you get over here. Im in Austria at the moment skiing! Will you hang with me? Jake
From ferret
well bro, finally got in touch with you. glad to hear that your having a great time os. when are you heading to south america? maybe can catch up there. happy ny mate, i know you'll keep it real.
Response: Hey dude, In Austria skiing with Dorns. Having a top time . Unsure when Im going to Brazil. Will probably do Europe first! Stay cool.
From Macca
Jakey Jakey bout to make a big mis-takey. brilliant coverage of your tour mate, looks like you're having an absolute cracker! The details of new years sound alot like what went down in Jubilee street in Dubbo. keep the match results coming and all the best. Macca
Response: Thanks Big Mac. It really means alot to me to have you say that. Give the lads in Neutral Bay a big ten 4 from me!
From melanie lotos goebl
hi jake,
nice pics you have there,
did you take them all by yourself...?
am in london for another quite angree with me;
i wastet a week in bed being upset about a men and to busy thinking about myself.
should have gone out to explore london...started today and i have 2 more days to go...and there will be a next time...
all the best to you and keep having fun!
take care mel*
Response: Hey Mel,
I was in London for a bit. Didnt think that much of it! Im in Austria at the moment skiing with a friend or should I say attempting to Ski. Jake
From Fridge
Happy New Year
Sounds like you have become something of a Terry Alderman ... you play your best in England.

Happy travels

PS. Spent Boxing Day at your old backyard - the MCG.
Not even 62,000 mad mexicans could spoil the mood.
Response: Love your work bro! As always quality. There is nothing better than surrounding yourself with Mexicians at the G to get over my departure. PS Have you got Lobsters email? The bastard needs to get on board! Jake
From Bob

Happy New Year mate and hope you had a good chrissy as well you mad geezer. keep on keeping on with the mad stories and fun times.

all is good in the hub except back at work today so doing my best to be counter-productive! expect a longer email soon, say gday to mike skinner for me as well as joe, dorns and packer.

keep it relevant


Response: Thanks dude! I'm working on a new email as we speak!
From rastus
Hey there Jackson,
All sounds good OS mate, just got back from Falls yesterday, fantastic line up, and happy days. will e-mail properly soon, say hi to the boys for me. I will give you a mention when talking shit at Lukey's wedding.
Response: Hey mate, Great to here from you! When is the wedding? I'll send an email to read out. Will be updating this soon! Jake