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Polecat Adventures

Welcome to Polecat's Travel Page. Here is where we will be keeping a record of our travels for all of you to read. Please feel free to leave a comment for us. Don't forget to check out the photo's on the right of the page. Once open you can click on the photo to enlarge it. Your message will be displayed after we censor it. If we have time in between discovering new places and meeting new people we will reply to them!
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Diary Entries

Sunday, 29 May 2016

Location: Australia

Hi guys, we have started up a new travel blog. One that should be easier for everyone. There is a follow button on the right side of the page so click on the button so you will get notified when there's an update. Its still under development so please be patient. There will be no more updates on this site but you will still be able to visit this site to read your favorite posts. Our new site is

Cheers Tara and Shane

Wednesday, 16 March 2016

Location: Melbourne, Australia

Staying with Muris in Melbourne for a couple of days. Muris is 62, single and a refugee from Bosnia. It is like hearing the SBS news first hand. It's horrible and we have only heard a fraction of what he has been through. Muris claims his suffering has been beyond what you can imagine but does not even compare to what his parents lived through. In WW2 his mother lost babies to starvation, her first husband killed in action. His father, a carpenter was so poor he had no clothes, only rags and his shoes were scraps of timber with canvas straps he made himself. Muris' own stories of horror made us ashamed to be human. Out the front of his house the paramilitary killed his neighbours and used their heads like footballs for a game of soccer. For eighteen months he lived in terror waiting for the same to happen to him and his family. Somehow he escaped. He now lives in Melbourne and is trying to rebuild his life. His place is a typical bachelor pad, in his fridge that rattles and wobbles is a carton of milk, an open can of baked beans and a mysterious sticky brown ring. His cupboards are virtually empty, dishes are washed and left stacked on the draining board, the toilet smells of urine and he loves it that way! Ladies, what a catch! Over breakfast he recalled some happier memories and regailed us with stories of mischief and mayhem, knock shops and girls, lots of girls!

As a young fella in 1979 with a couple of ratbag cheeky mates, Muris did a tour through France. On the bus was an old couple, the wife a real nag, the poor bloke under the thumb. One hot day, hubby had a dodgy chicken sanger for lunch that had been sweating and percolating in the bus and was on the turn. Not long after, with eyes like dinner plates the old man cries “stop the bus” With the strength and speed of a Queensland backrower he shot out the door and buried his arse in a corn field. After loosing his lunch and fifteen litres of shit a rather frailer and whiter man greeted the bus on his return. The old bloke was so crook that the tour couldn't continue for about two hours.
Later that night, Muris and his posse hit the red light district in Paris and tore it up. By all accounts Muris was a competent and accomplished lover who managed to break a few hearts (and possibly a few pelvises) that night.

The following morning, back with the tour group, Muris and his mates were thumbing through all the calling cards they had collected from the girls the night before and comparing notes. The cards had photos of the girls, phone numbers and a brief but delightful summary of their special talents. The old timer, still looking rough, was tentatively nibbling a croissant for breakfast in an effort to regain some of the strength that had run down his leg the day before... Muris, egged on by his mates slipped a couple of the girls cards into the old boys jacket pocket when he wasn't looking. Funny stuff. Even funnier later that afternoon when the old guy, sporting a welt on his cheek matching the buckle on his wifes handbag, came pleading for the gang to explain to his wife that he's only been spray painting his jocks brown and not out painting the town red!

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

Location: Melbourne, Australia

Simon is a big unit, at 6"3 he has the body of a Greek God (Hypnos: God of sleep) and the head of a walrus. And typical of a Greek God he also has a small pecker.
Despite having the body of a Greek God, Simon has the bladder of an 85 year old Chinaman and he will piss anywhere. We fondly remember a party at our house where Simon took a sly one in the garden, only it was the herb garden. As Tara eloquently advised him: "you dirty bastard thats the basil for the bruschetta" he spun around fumbling to put his dick away, (it may have been easier if he had put down either his drink or his smoke). He artfully sprayed the shoes of everyone in his vicinity mumbling an apology about trying to stop mid stream..
On another occasion after happy hour at the Sargents Mess Simon passed out at home in bed. Maree (beautiful wife) woke a few hours later to the relaxing sound of next door neighbours water fountain trickling, only it was Simon lying on his back beside her, sound asleep, pissing on his own chest. That was a good one! You would have thought that sex was out of the question for a while but when Maree suggested that they change positions, Simon quickly agreed. She said: "you do the dishes and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart". Simon once farted so wet that it sounded like he said “CANIFILLYOURHOTWATERBOTTLE”. Luckily for everyone the only causality was his jocks and pride.

Well that's enough about Simon and his bad habits, so let's now relive his 40th birthday party held in Melbourne recently. Simon supplied mobs of piss and food for about 35 of his closest friends, mostly Army who in true Army style drank as fast as possible before the tap was turned off. A bloody hoot of a night with lots of reminiscing and story telling. Although I wasn't invited to give a speech (which was probably smart of Simon), I'm doing so now;

He's a great bloke who as an adult has pissed the bed more times than a two year old and cried at least five times. It takes real skill to fall upstairs, choke on air, foul yourself more than once and trip over completely nothing. Simon you have that skill.
Your neither a half empty glass or a half full glass type of guy, you just drink whatever is in the glass. Thanks for the great night and we all love you. Happy birthday and smile while you have teeth.

Thursday, 28 January 2016

Location: Adelaide and Halls Gap, Australia

To avoid the February Adelaide heat wave we drove into the fly blown heat of a Victorian January. What dickheads!! I think its hotter in Victoria. One day its 42 degrees the next 19. Apparently it was the hotest and coldest days in Victoria ever recorded that was only a day apart. So at the Grampians in Halls Gap by the pool after a particularly grueling trek I will now try to recount our Christmas in Aldinga Beach.
This year we had some guests namely Big Pete and Dee (real name is Deanne but is only called that if she's in trouble), Rob and Charlie (real name Charlotte and is never never called by her French name, but is called Carlotta when in South America). We all had a big fat Xmas lunch followed by round after round of cocktails. My favourite was the pina colada slushie style. After what may have been my third cocktail (whose counting its Chrismas) we played a round of 80's music trivia, which conviently came in a box set with DVD. Thanks Santa (AKA Rob and Charlie) for giving it to Pete. Although Rob and Charlie won every game suprisingly Pete knew a lot of the obscure questions and especially knew a lot about the iconic gay group Bronski Beat.
Later in the week Rob and I went mountain biking in the forest. To be fair Rob went mountain biking and I did a lot of mountain walking, pushing my bike for the last few stages. It was great fun but after Xmas and a couple of years without any physical exersise I was stuffed. Not forgetting my extremely sore 'fact or gouch' (the bit between your but hole and ball bag) which after the ride had me walking like a cowboy for about three days.
Just in case anyones interested santa gave me a soap with a hole in it. Printed in bold blue was 'Willy Washer, One Size Fits All'. Bloody brilliant pressie Santa but it might take a few months of washing before the hole is large enough!

So back to the Halls Gap swimming pool where kids are running around like they were on fire, crying, pulling each others hair. Ten minutes of watching this and then thinking out loud that having brats like that I would want to glue the eye of my penis shut.

But before the pool we walked from Halls Gap up to the Pinnacles and back, a hot four hour walk. But we were granted with amazing views of the valley and the Pinnacles rock formations. Further on from the Pinnacles Tara remembered a challenge called 'the nerve test'. If youre game you can walk the fifteen metre rock arch way where some parts are a mere twenty centimetres wide while not looking down to a solid rock foundation some ten metres below.
Well of coures I had to have a go! I got as far as where it got skinny and thats where I failed the nerve test. Like a dog with worms and a relieving hard surface I did get to the end but I slid on my backside most of the way.

We did some great rock climbing at Mt Arapalies. With super grippy sandstone to hold I shimmied easily up ten metres. No shoes and like a man with diarrhea chancing a fart I showed no fear, well not until I had to come down. I was stuck fast like BO to a Mexican bus driver. I did eventually make it down with encouraging words from Tara: “Put your right foot down about six feet and left about four”, said a laughing Tara. “No sorry your left foot, hang on, no your right”. Funny stuff for Tara but we did get some good photos to prove it. If you look closely you will see me using my navel like a suction cap. Now at the bottom with a deflated ego I had the confidience of a man whose fly was stuck open.

Weve entered into a new phase of our travels, I like to call it the OPP Shop period. Town by town we go in search of a Vinnies or Salvos or even local country ones run by the town Vicar which seem to have rare exotic nick nacks. In Stawell Western Victora an old musty Thrift Shop where the afternoon sun lights dust particles floating in the air. Something about it made me feel like I was walking into a giant nostril.

Thursday, 10 December 2015

Location: Victora, Australia

About an hour south we are on the Mornington peninsular. Getting a bit historical and not to be confused with hysterical (something Tara does when theres a mosquito inside the car at night), Port Nepean at the very pointy end of the Mornington Peninsular has the honour of firing the very first shots in anger for both WW1 and WW2 for the British Empire. Bet you didn't know that? Sitting back in Apex Park watching some female endurance walking challenge while drinking our 7 Eleven coffee. From what we can gather this park is the halfway point and clearly a toilet break by the massive queue lining up outside the female dunnies. Some ol girl who can't wait has taken the initiatve and bolted for the gents. Now the line has split and by the look of some of these chicks and the size of their thighs some could stand to piss. “Standing to piss in my active wear ”.

Philips Island, what a bloody windy spot. It's a nice spot with plenty to see. My favorite moment was when a couple of chinese tourists (or possibily local) was savagely attacked by at least 200 bastard seagulls. The gulls were so vicious that the tourists bolted for cover unloading handfulls of chips as they ran hoping to divert the flock away from the battered flake. If you've ever seen the Alfred Hitchcock movie “The Birds” then youv'e seen what we seen but the only difference is that the Philip Island birds ended up with eight dollars worth of chips with chicken salt.

Moving on to Wilson's Promontory and yet another spectacular coast line. This Victorian coast is impressing the shit out of me and I'm quietly surprised. Only down side is the wind which hasn't stopped now for a week. Bloody annoying, but by cripes the scenery is first rate. We had plans to camp at the Prom National Park but the fifty eight dollar rate had us parked up outside the Park gates and scooting in during the day to see the sights. A hefty climb to MT Oberon with “worth it views” was the highlight.

One freezing night beside a clear stream camping at Falls Creek and then to Wodonga to catch up with friends. Staying with Sandy a gorgeous singer who's sweet smooth voice is currently shot and out of action. On the plus she now has a larger vocal range because now she sounds like Joe Cocker who just gargled a hand full of rock salt. She's such a great singer that she doesnt sing in the shower, she performs. Shes so good that she does the main lyrics, back-up vocals and also sings the guitar part. Rest, tongue exercises and gargling coconut oil is apparently the remedy but unfortinuatly for Sandies voice she's unable to stop talking so it looks like she wont get a singing gig until 2020.

Morris Winery at Rutherglen where again we talked the talk. Things like yeild and tonnage, balance pruning and black rot (and no im not talking about whats left in my jocks after a night on the rumbo's) were banded around like a couple of winemakers swapping notes. The difference this time however was they may have believed the verbal diarrhea spilling out of our mouths. Parting the cellar door the manager gifted us a bottle of their best and gave us a personal tour of the cellar. Unfortunately for us there was no back tastings (which is another wanky wine term for tasting all the good old stuff). By this stage Tara was three parts pissed from the more than generous tastings and we needed to leave before she said something daft. Also luckily for us they didn't poke their heads out into the car park and see our battered bongo van. Both would have given the game away.

Merry Christmas to those who believe in it and if you don't then have a good day. So in parting I give you a couple of Chuck Norris jokes....Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded, and Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Monday, 30 November 2015

Location: Melbourne, Australia

In Melbourne where we spent six days walking the CBD visiting all the highlights. Probably our favourites were up the same dingy alley. These were the Shanghai Dumpling House and some trendy bar. The dumpling house where service is fast and impersonal.
“You sit ” said the young chinese dude while disgarding a couple of well used menus on the greasy table. About thirty seconds later he returns with “wha you wan?”
“We want a little more time to look at the menu thanks” replys Tara. Another thirty seconds pass and he's at it again like a stuck recording.
“Wha u wan?”
Shit no pressure! “Ill have the steamed fish with lemon grass”.
“What about the Sichuan poached fish fillets in hot chilli oil”
“No ha fis”
“Do you have rice?”
“Fried rice and vegetables and 20 steamed mushroom dumplings thanks China”
Just as I returned from grabbing a couple of cups of tea from the “help yourself” urn by the front door, he's back with our food and slides the plates on the table salon style. Its was a quick dinner and we were both watered, fed and out the door within half and hour. But thats Chinese effeciency for you, very authentic restaurant, even down to the overflowing urinals which are situated 3 floors up and the bum burning diarrhea a day later. The cool bar was right next door and a long neck of Coopers Pale was waiting for us. With an old shipping container for the bar and old Chep pallets stacked willy nilly are the seating. It a great funky/grungy joint where all the hipster crowd gather and drink stubbies of Melbourne Bitter and smoke like its no tomorrow. A DJ mixes with a plastic cup of Belgian Ale while everyone tries to speak over the top of the music and smoke. What is it with every bugger with a durrie? I guess its as hard to give up smoking as it is to start flossing..
Tara's favouite band Mojo Juju was playing while we were in town so we popped along to have a look. As usual they put on a great show. Not since Herb Alpert and The Tijuana Brass's 1965 smash hit 'Spanish flea' has Tara been more excited. So much of a good show that if I was wearing jocks then I would have thrown them on the stage.
We are parked in upmarket St Kilda where we found free parking (rare in Melbourne) next to a dunny block and only a two minute walk to funky Ackland Street. Only down side is the dunnies are a mine field of needles, used condoms and DNA splatter. One particular morning we found all of the formentioned plus a pair of leggings and a bycicle helmet. Some wierd shit is going down at the St Kilda Gardens!! Its a safe bet that its a crack house and a poofters beat! Maybe also a bike shop, or a gay cyclist poofter junkie just needed a dump!!
Every morning we make a cup of tea and sit back while a poor little Indian cleaner wearing full HAZMAT gear enter the shitters, we just shake our heads knowing the disgrace he's about to encounter. Still, its better than most toilets we encountered in India. But even in cool Ackland Street we dodged a massive runny turd (not a dogs) outside an upmarket clothes shop. Ahh melbourne we loved our stay (except the big runny shit on the foot path) and will be back again real soon.

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Recent Messages

From Jules
OCT 15 i can't seem to find your squidding journey lmfaoooooo
Response: That was a black day!! And therefore shall never be spoken other than in whispers..
From Jamie (shammy)
Turning bitches man!!! LOL LOve it!
you guys are funny and love your free spirit!! Keep up the bloggin and keep in touch mate! Cheers!
Response: Those crazy bloody lesbians! Glad your enjoying it mate, see you guys when we're back in Adelaide.
I'm sure we won't be able to source rocket as good as you have been having so we'll cancel the rocket and cheese sald we were gonna make. I am a fair way out of date with the blog. Not much internet time lately. Please remember to tell anyone you meet that Warilla beach is the best around and that we are very enlightened in that we do not have any breast discimination. Chicks and blokes are free to go topless on our beach.
Response: Rilla is indeed very liberal, and classy too.... Not only can you buy VB at the "Bottle'O" but you can get the real fancy stuff like Carlton cold filtered too. We will tell everyone how good it is, don't worry.
From Noodle
I'm sending my lawyers, Frothwit and Poynedexter, forthwith to Coober Pedy, with writ in hand. outrageous slandering defamatory usurpation of the good noodle name!!
Response: send in the big guns mate, but I think it suits.. you would be good at it with those long fingers scratching around. don't forget your gloves but, you've been too long behind a desk
From Noodle
good to hear the latest news. Don't be downhearted on your loss Shano. You'll always be the biggest tosser as far as I'm concerned.
Response: Thanks Noodle, I can always rely on your support
From Miranda Tea
You guys are awesome! Love the tuna toss, only appropriate that you lose to a mountain from Tonga. Train up for next year, champ. Keep the blog posts coming!
Response: Cheers Miranda, we love reading your great funny stories. xxx
From Ryan
what was your favourite food in Mexico 😄
Response: Hi Ryan, that's a very hard question. most of the stuff was rubbish, but we did cross paths with a good corn on the cob.
From Pete
Mate, that last post sounds like it came straight out of a Les Norton story. Wine, roller girls and good times. RSA, what you needed was a coaster that had written on the back "one drink please" that way you would not have to spoken to the poor barmaid - sound familiar, its worked before. Stay safe and all the best the xmas & the new year.
Response: God, "one drink please", that cane fire rum doesn't even get you pissed. I think im still nursing a headache from that Broome trip.
From Pete
Great to hear that you having a awesome time and finally getting some decent food. Another descriptive read and I know Dee will be jealous when she reads that you have been through Vegas and out to the canyon. Stay safe happy wanderers. Cheers Pete
Response: Thanks Pete, the Canyon and Vegas are a must. We will most likely buy a van and tour OZ for a while so we will drop by and see you and Dee where ever you are. Have a great break.
From Ali
you are so amazing! I miss you! I hope to see you again somewhere !! The best for you guys! =)
Response: Thanks Ali - we miss you too! Don't worry, we will see you again FOR SURE! Thanks for reading our blog! Give Uli a smack on the bum from us
From Pete & Dee
Another great read, still laughing. Hope all is well and we recommend you eat the yoghurt.
Response: Too late..... it does soothe!
From noodle
hey Shano and Teej, you'll have to send me the name of that hotel in Mexico City, sounds positively decadent! you certainly have a nose for sniffing out the best hotels
Response: Yes, you and the mad whistler would be right at home there! Unfortunately we burned the details, along with half our stuff to prevent a full blown infestation so you will have to discover it for yourself!
From Foz
Hey Shano, Hey Teej. I've just read a few of your entries for the first time and totally loved them. Your writing is well funny and it sounds like you're having the time of your lives. Good for you two! I'm gonna keep myself in the loop from now on and enjoy reading the rest of your adventures. Take care you two, sending you lots of love from sunny Blighty. xx
Response: Thanks Foz, your right we are both having a great time. It was great to hear from you and we still dance like robots when we hear blue Monday. Dry your rice mate. Xxxxxxx
From adam
Love the arty shots...

I thought you'd keep my secret..... Don't tell everyone piloting is easy they'll all wanna do it!

You'll be driving around in a new BMW all that money you are saving on booze.
Response: No truer words have been spoken big fella. How's the preparations for being a new dad going?
From peturd
Come on Queenslander !! 92 % humidity that's a winters day with a westerly.
Response: That's hot mate for sure. I guess I'm as soft as boiled shit these days.
From Nickers
I will take 2 pairs in red and white stripes if possible.. (For speed obviously) you cannot be slow in red and white stripes..
Will they do anything for a high crack??
Response: Sorry, they only come in super ugly old lady skin tone beige. I'm afraid nothing will cover that high crack other than a full steamer.
From Emily
Just a quick one- teej what is the name if that guy you used to go to when you would throw your back out? My dad has really hurt his back and I know you really raved about massage man in kiama...
We have risen out of our hole now so will be better friends again ;) xx
Response: Hi Em. His name is Brandon Johnson in Kiama, good luck for your dad. We only check this site once a week so email or Facebook is quicker. Now dust yourself off and Crack a bowlers run. xxxx
From Em (& Pete)
Hola friends (if you will still have us), having a good catch up on your travels today. Great to read about your adventures and good times, fun to read aloud to young Betty, she is a good listener and they really calm her down. We miss you back home, pretty much every Thursday the sadness of your departure re-emerges. All is going well here, we moved into the big smoke (kiama) so you can imagine the pressures of daily life have increased, what with the cafe and petrol station being in such close proximity. Love to you both xx
Response: Holy moly, we thought you guys had fallen in a big hole. But where very excited that your out of it. Congratulations again on young Betty, what a little charmer she will be (only if she takes after Pete). If Betty has that sly devilish grin that Em has than your both in trouble in about 13 years. Take care you three. xxxxxxx
From Adam
Glad the economics lessons make sense to someone else! That dead snake fish would be enough to scare anyone away from swimming. Loving the photos and stories.
Response: The economics are pure genius, you should take over Koshie's job. And I think that eel might have fallen out of Marcos jocks. Keep the comments flowing xxx
From JB Jules
OMGGG guys what a journey you are both on, loving this blog....Those strawberries look to die for...
loving the baby got back pic too teej hehehehehe keep smiling and living life to the fullest guys xxxxxx
Response: Thanks JB you know there are precious few things in life that can rival the pure joy of the perfect strawberry. (And I reckon you've probably tried most of them)
From jay
I didn't notice you could leave messages. Coooool. Jj
Response: Yeah we love getting messages from everyone. It's been over a year away now and it's good to know you haven't all forgotten about us!
From helen aunty
hi tara yes im reading love to hear what ur up to im well and on holidays in turkey keep on enjoying ur time say hi to shane xxx
Response: We are counting on you taking us to Turkey when we get to Europe so save some fun for us! Hope you are having a blast!
From Pete & Dee
I look forward to all your posts, living vicariously through your sometime side splitting antics makes my day. The pair off have an amazing way of describing your adventures and the honesty of the way you write all the facts is great. Thanks for letting us be apart of your journey.
Response: Thanks guys, love getting your comments and encouragement. Book a ticket and come and be a part of the trip for real, then we can write something really funny!
From Sandy
Love your stories Teej & Shane, such story tellers ... keep m coming xxxxx
Response: Thanks Sand, we will try our best!
From peturd
Hey peeps, how many washers did you make on that Frick en swing,shit o dear.The Peruvian hairless looks like rookies brother; and guv you are looking more and more like Charlton heston. Are there any plans to duck over to the world cup?.Stay safe.
Response: Believe me when I say that Rookie is Brad Pitt compared to the hairless, and as for how many washers? Not one, I chucked my jocks out after that swing. No plans to see the world cup. xxx