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Govern’s Travel Diary

Monday, 26 Jun 2006

Location: Camp Stewart, Kerrville, USA

MapWell this is it folks, the beginnings of the end, for my first term here at Stewart. As nothing much really happened today other than the usual kids going at each others throats and the continued onslaught of slop coming through the hatch of the Diner, I'll give you a brief insight into my impressions of America so far.

First off lets begin with the kids. Thanks to Dr. Phil, Ricky Lake, Oprah and any other self-obssessed American chat show hosts, every American parent on the planet, thinks that their son needs to be put on 5 tons of anti-depressants and 12 gallons of liquids. It's a wonder that these kids can still breathe let alone run around, with the amount of drugs they're all on.

These kids have obviously been tutored exactly what to say when asked about their so-called 'conditions'. For example, one of the kids in my cabin, will give you a big long list saying that they're on this drug for depression, another for their heightened anxiety, and another because of his ADHD. It's just plain crazy. No kid in the world should know what depression is all about. It is simply the parents unable to prise them away from their endless supply of candy, soda pops and video game consoles, which they have supplied.

With that big chunk of Americana out of the way, it's time to talk about the 'lone star' state of Texas, or at least the small town of Kerrville, which I'm told fully represents this 'Great Nation'. A nation where they have some of the laziest, and craziest people known to man. First off, they have a drive-thru service for everything you could possibly imagine, from Liquor Stores and Banks, to the usual fast food-services, and we all know how much the Americans love their fast food. Never has this been more clearer, than in Kerrville where there is a McDonald's restaurant inside the Walmart supermarket, and then another one just 100 yards away, without exaggeration.

However even with all of these faults the state of Texas, is one of the most polite, and respectable (other than the whole 'KKK' thing, but i'm told that they represent a small 'minority' of the Texan populus) places I've ever been. The whole 'y'all come back now!' thing is no exaggeration, and people are happy to give you directions and even a free soda, as soon as they find out your from England. Texans aren't exactly the most intelligent of people, however and some of the questions that i've been asked are just mind-blowing. Here are a few examples.

"Isn't the Queen elected?" - Obviously the term 'of royal blood' hasn't quite set in round these parts.

"The Queen has to be a Virgin, right?" - That's right her children, came down from the heavens surrounded by a great ball of white light, with a message to save us all. Jackass.

A lot of the people I talk to think that all Brits live in London, the same place that The Beatles came from. Some of these Yanks, have the audacity to claim the legendary British band Led Zeppelin as their own, much to the dismay of myself and my fellow countrymen.

All in all though, Texas seems a nice place, so far, with their gorgeous roads, and awesome cars, hospitality and lack of intelligence, it's easy to see why the redcoats let them go.

Until next time. Ta Ta.