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Ahuva Priya’s Travel Diary

Thursday, 17 Apr 2008

Location: Amman, Jordan

MapWow!! what a crazy turn of events... how crazily and abruptly my india trip has come to an end (For now...)...
I had been struggling for the past month and a bit with somewhat of a failing of health and spirit.. a combination of challenges and the journey taking their toll on me...
finally, i realized as pesach was approaching- how much i miss my family and how deeply i yearn for an internal trip- a dive into the world of Jewish spirituality and healing.
as the trip progressed over the past few monhts- i was realizing that i was gravitating more and more towards the 'bayit hayehudi's of sorts and the 'bayit chabads'... and when i realized i'm not enjoying the hassle of the trip any longer, and was falling apart- both physically and emotionally- i decided it's time to cut.
it was not an easy decision at all. i have been looking forward to nepal and the north of india since the beginning of the trip. they were my main interest actually- as far as locations in india are concerned. but all along my main priority was the process rather than the destination. and a process did occur, slowly but surely, often very painfully....
at the end of the day- i realize that healing can happen any place. but most importantly- surrounding yourself with people who care for you, who are supportive and are generally on a path of spiritual growth and self-improvement- is a prerequisite to healthy growth. the trip in india is full of unexpected events- and crazy energies- of all sorts... so many ppl who you meet on the trip- some have strong positive energies, some negative.. some powerful- and it's hard to determine if their energy is actually good or bad for you- and you sometimes learn the hard way...
but in the reality of a trip- your enviroment is hardly controled. you don't know who you'll meet, etc... and you keep having to use your judgement of who to trust and whether or not your heart tells you this is right or not.
i had had a very painful lesson- and learned the hard way- that i must listen to my heart and follow it boldly and assertively. i know next time i will...
and a bit about the technicalities of my trip...
i'm at this hotel in amman.. don't even know how the hell i got here... i booked my flight to amman- thinking i'll decide there if i'm up to taking the bus or a flight.. when i was on the flight- and all the israelis were going to transit- to their connecting flight to tel-aviv i realized- hey, maybe i made a mistake.. and i tried to see if i can get on the flight last minute- but it was full.. so i figured-- this will be an adventure... i got my visa ($15- or 10 dinars) and didn't even exchange other money to dinars... i met this guy at the airport- who i guess liked me- although he knew not a word of english- he bought me coffee- and then paid for my fare on the bus to amman- express bus from the airport. he kept giving me notes with his # but without any common language i wonder what that conversation would be like, and what he was thinking when he gave me the still he was sweet.. on the bus i met a nice arab israeli business man who's now living in london- from east jerusalem. he was trying to help me too- and in the end put me on a cab to the hotel in amman from which the bus to israel leaves. he paid for the cab too (still not a single dinar in my purse..) and now i'm at the hotel- where they offered me to use their internet for free..
jordan is soooo strikingly 'empty' and 'quiet' after india.
i do have this sense of emptiness- of missing the hustle and bustle of india.
i'm sad that i left india to some extent- i think that taking a break from the trip coule be a good thing.. i would like to focus now on my health (i lost tons of weight and have gotten sick for over a month now- form stomach to flues, to colds etc. time for me to strengthen my immune system...)
i will get strong again and flourish and find love and move on! i know it..
i may even decide to come back to india after pesach and finish my trip (it's one of the possibilities...)
my bus should arrive soon- i can't wait to see an israeli again- it's a bit unnerving to be the only israeli/jew/ white woman around in amman... the news was on in the cab- and all i could hear and understand was 'hammas' and 'ehud ulmert' and 'izrael..'' (arabic accent..)
anyways- g-d is with me- and watching me.. so i'm good.. he's sending me good angels on the way :)
i want to thank all my amazing readers / friends who've kept me company on this amazing journey to myself...
i hope to continue updating my blog from israel... and would love to hear from you- the last time i checked, my blog had been visited about 1200 times by you guys!
thank you! thank you! thank you! for your support, for your interest in my 'stories'.. for your love... for being YOU! for being in my life!
i am so blessed to have each and every one of you! and would love to be there for you in any way i can!
this portion of my tirp has come to an end- but a new beginning is around the corner- and i know it will be an exciting one- with much focus on building my core- my future...
hope to share good news with you always!
love love love!
ahuva priya huvi huverama huvster huv luv luv luv :) :) :)