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Dre J.’s Travel Diary

Tuesday, 24 Nov 2009

Location: Beijing, China

MapWell I think i've hit that point where I just want to go home. It has nothing to do with China, I really do love it here. I'm just done with school. Its really hard to stay positive and focused, and not be frustrated. And the frustration is spread out among many things. Wrongfully, because i'm me, I place blame on myself for not focusing harder and studying longer. For those of you who know me well you know that is not possible so I shouldn't beat myself up over it. The rest of the frustration is on my teacher. Teachers are suppose to help, not make things worst. And I feel like every time I start to make strides I get blocked. If my teacher has been teaching Chinese as a second language for a few years i can't understand how she does not understand that some people learn at different speeds. Unless everyone she has ever taught learned to speak fluently in 12 weeks, in that case I'm just a retard. But I doubt that. I mean, sure, I'll be the first to admit I haven't worked as hard as I could have. But I will also fight to the end that for me, I have done way more than I am used to. I would honestly say I have done more studying and homework in these last 12 weeks than I have in all my college put together. This shit is hard. Its also annoying to have the other three classes as well. Don't get me wrong, I love them. In fact they are very interesting. But they don't really matter. The only way they matter is that I have to pass them, but I came to learn Chinese, not take extra classes. So the homework for those tends to get in the way sometimes of studying Chinese. Like tonight. I should study for tomorrows class and review allllll the stuff I still don't know, but instead I have to read a boat load of readings and write up a short essay/presentation for class on Thursday. The paper is due tomorrow. Also, I have film class tomorrow and need to write up a few pages on what we did last week. We also have this looming project over our heads. We have a 15 page research paper due in 4 weeks. It has to be on a topic that you could only research in China. Mine is the "Legacy of Mao." I am suppose to go around and interview Chinese people of all ages and social classes and ask them what they think of Mao. Again, it is something I really want to know the answer too and am excited to do, but i have no time as is and I have to turn in an 8 page proposal in 2 weeks. The other dilemma is my language once again. I am by no means capable of interviewing people myself, so I am going to have to rely on my language partner to come out with me on a few days and talk to people for me. Its just...ugh. I'm exhausted... I'm going to stop rambling now otherwise I'll go on forever. My list of things to vent about is getting longer and longer. Plus, as i'm sure most of you know, I hate people. So being couped up with peeps all day long is not the picture perfect idea of fun for me. The only person I'm happy to be around and glad is around happens to be my roommate. Lucky. But I should get back to homework since I don't have enough time in the day to do what I have. Coffee run!!! Zaijian!