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Bo’s Travel Diary

Monday, 07 Aug 2006

Location: Kotor, Yugoslavia

MapSo Joe has finally arrived here to meet us and he had an interesting journey. Well, I'll just let him tell you-

We spend the day checking out the sights and I had an amazing lunch at one of the local restaurants. I had peppers stuffed with minced meat and rice. It was very good, but I would pay for the meal later...

Bo and the Kiwi's we became friends with woke up and caught the bus. Bo said he tried to wake me because I had those nasty bed bugs crawling all over me. Luckily, they didn't bite or affect me in any way.

I woke up many hours later and immediately had to run the bathroom. This became a common occurance throughout the day. That's right, that great meal I had the day before gave me a serious case of the shits. I essentially spent all day inside the hostel waiting to catch the next bus which was a night bus at 10:30pm. Now the fun begins. I successfully boarded my bus back to Dubrovnik and immediately passed out. I woke up two hours later to a throbbing stomach. I had to go again and the bus didn't have a bathroom. What do I do? I tried to hold it. I begin sweating and I'm tapping my foot, singing to myself, doing anything to get my mind off of the sudden emergency. Nothing's working, it has to come out. I can't take it any longer so I waddle to the front of the bus and attempt to convince my Bosnian bus driver that I really have to go. He refuses, "impossible.". I put on my most desperate face and he finally says "moment." Luckily, the Croatian border was in our sights. Since you are not allowed to exit the bus during passport checks, I had to get an escort to the bathroom where I finally punished the toilet.

But that's not the end of it. The bus arrived back in Dubrovnik at 4am. I had to go again, but the bus station didn't open until 4:30. Once again I had to take matters into my own hands. This time I walked into an abandoned building and took a squat. The funny thing is I had to use a Maxim Hot 100 magazine to wipe my ass. Eva Longoria and Jessica Alba got it good.

-Not bad Joe. I'm still betting that some construction guys found that mess and thought someone acted out some kind of a sick fettish. I'll never look at Jessica and Eva the same way. Thanks for that.