Location: Song of the month:, Mozambique
Song of the month:
Eat a dick
Eat a dick
EAT - YOUR - DAAADS - DICK!
Location: Song of the Month, Mozambique
Song of the Month:
Eat a dick
Eat a dick
EAT - YOUR - DAAADS - DICK!
Location: Tofinos, Mozambique
Still in Mozambique. Staying on a cliff at Tofinos. Pretty good, it's $8 each per night for the best views and a fully furnished house.
Mozam is all about beaches, seafood and $3 bottles of Tipo Tinto (african rum). Lucky for us there has been a cyclone swell which came from Madagascar so there was 4-5 ft surf at the point in front of our house. We have had our feet cut up jumping off the rocks but other than that it's been good.
A couple of nights ago we went to a beach house party and were having beer bongs through a snorkel. Mike ate 5 of the hottest chillies ever and a raw prawn, and spewd it all up, and woke up on the cliff. No wonder he shat 6 times the next day, and burnt his ring off.
To add to his war zone, Mike came off the back of a ute the other day when we were scabbing a lift to get to the surf. The guy took a sharp turn and Mike lost his grip and fell on the road. Took chunks out of his hand, knee and ankle while sliding metres across the gravel.
The day after the party we went on a ocean safari to swim with the whale sharks but we didn't find any whale sharks we all just vomited our alcohol bellies off the side of the boat the whole time. As soon as Mike started spewing Leah and Al were over. Interesting way to spend $55. Africa has defeated our iron guts, more spew than ever in our lives.
We have a heap of Saffies staying in the house next door to us, our age and they're awesome. They're from Jo'burg and we are organising to go out with them the night before we leave for OZ. Part of the experience ey?
We've met so many cool South Africans along the way it's ridiculous. Two of our friends from Cape Town just got engaged so we went over to the best house we've ever seen last night for celebration dinner. Was good as we were all quite empty stomached after the day time.
Girls we are planning our next trip to Safrica to get husbands, they are all hot and rediculously nice.
Mike's belly has become so weak that he dry reaches over anything. For instance, on the flight from Tanzania to Maputo 2 Bangladesh -ians thought they had become friends with Mike n Mitch. They sat in front of us, Mike sat down, looked at Mitch and said "can you smell that?". It was the worst smell ever. Mike began the dry reaching. We had to change seats. Even thinking about that smell makes him queasy. So funny.
Were going Deep Sea Fishing tmoro hopefully. I think that every one of you would love Mozambique we highly recommend it. Piss cheap, safe and coastal - just don't step on a landmine.
GETTING HOME SOON:
We get back on the 19th Jan, landing at about 2.35pm, but will be with families for that night I suppose.
FACT: Apparently 1 in 20 mozzies in Mozam is carrying Malaria. Bit scary.
FACT: Mike n Leah won the world series of 500 against Al n Mitch.
Location: Zanzibar Island, Tanzania
Zanzibar was our destination for new years.
On NYEve Eve we saw a new side to Mitch Braund. Didn't think he'd ever come up with something so creative and freaky.
OK, so he and Mike were shitfaced. Mike's out of sight and Mitch is hooking up with this Bohaemith German chick. She was hot but she was huge. He stopped, turned to us 3 girls and said with a smirk
Put his hand down her pants and ripped out a large tuft of pubes, pulled it out and waved it in the air laughing. It was so shocking that there was no laughing until atleast a few hours past. Well done Mitch, so original. He spent the next 3 nights trying to find the poor girl cos he doesn't remember it at all.
* Pretty similar to Asian Islands in many ways.
* Really nice beaches
* Massai Warriors everywhere selling jewellery.
* Hottest/nicest blackie ever who loved Al. Still tho, 1 in how many have AIDS? (Al: "wasn't even tempted, but he was f--kING hot").
* Spewy hangover days for many, dry reaching at restaurants etc
* Paddle boats with beers, making a ruccus of the restaurant patrons water views with our f--king bullshit. HAhah
* Even tho it's a party Island there was a lot of weed so we really pissed in their water by hooking into the Thai Red Bulls (Reh Booh an Vohka for those who like to speak wog).
* Slept on the beach new years as we had no accomodation.
* Definately going back it was an awesome spot.
Heading to Mozambique now so might find that the net is hard to access once again. Sorry guys we're useless.
Hope all's well at home whatever you are.
Location: Maun - Xmas Partying., Botswana
After searching around for some whities to party with on XmasEve, we resorted to the black chicks at our lodge. Took a chance. While waiting for them to go home and freshen up, we played the 100s Club. The girls did red wine and the pussy boys did beer (Mike some red).
* Mitch - 100 shots - 100 mins - 0 spews
* Mike - 100 shots - 100 mins - multiple projectile spews at 90 mins
* Al - 95 shots - 93 mins - spewed at 30, 60 and 95 (burnt out oesophegus)
* Coats - 55 shots - 100 mins - 0 spews
* Twot - 100 shots - 100 mins - spewed her hole up on 99, diving back to the table to clear her 100th shot in time.
So anyway, the Niggas rocked up to pick us up and take us out with 4 MASSIVE black guys.
We were pretty freaked so we played kings to get them to loosen up a bit. They took us into the crazy hood and night clubs full of floating teeth and eyes. We learned tribal dancing, and we all danced outside Boi's house for hours. Xmas in the ghettos in Maun, pretty amazing.
Never felt so white.
Location: Chobe, Moremi and now Maun, Botswana
Hi everyone, we're in Botswana now. Caught a ferry over from Zambia after the dreaded party nights and booze cruising.
Alot of driving and doing the Jimmy on campsites. We cracked the shits with the poor maintenance of the roads and the massive road fees, so now there is no remorse. We get as much free stuff as we can. Constantly hiding ourselves in the back of our 4x4 to cut down on 'per person' fees. Hammering straight through authorities check points so as to not pay. We really are getting good at it.
Chobe National Park:
We went in and set up camp, played 500 for a good few hours and then us girls decided to go and pay for our campsite. "Half hour round-trip" to the gate. As the mudswamped roads got worse, the sun was going down and the animals were coming out. Elephants. OK, elephants can be really dangerous as we were quick to discover in Africa.
We parked still as a herd of 30 Elees charged up the embankment and across the road. Once they were gone we slowly crept up to get past. Keeping a 360 degree eye we found a whole herd directly on our right looking at us but they were calm. So we watched, amazed. 2 seconds later, the remaining 3 massive Elees were doing their "Im about to charge you and gang-rape your car" dance to te left.
Shat ourselves, first gear, traction finally, sped off, lived. It was fun.
We are now more scared of Elees than any other animal in the world.
Another quick Chobe National Park story:
The next day we embraced a new game drive, heading in the direction of our next campsite. With no map, and no roadsigns anywhere in Botswana, we finally managed to get on the right road. Worst ever. As the road got dodgier and the thunderstorm became overhead we were all too proud to turn around.
Driving across rivers, over ditches and rocks, squeezing through tight bushes and knee deep water. 4 hours in, the storm had calmed, we only had about one hour to go, we got to a point where the road had dissappeared. We all split and wandered around in the rain, yelling out to each other to make sure noone had been eaten by a lion or any other predator.
Back to the car with no idea. We drove around, still nothing, The wet season had swallowed the road and the stupid Botwanians had not bothered to check it in months, not put up a simple "road closed" sign. Turned around, Lucky we had Mitch who discovered a talent with 4-wheel driving.
Snoopdogg and his gang won that war but suck shit because we didn't pay our National Park or Camping Fees AH AH AH!
BACK TO THE PRESENT:
What are we doing NOW you ask? Well we are in Maun, a "city" in Botswana, looking for something to do tonight as it is Christmas Eve.
This morning we went on a slow plane across the Okavango Delta to see the heards from aerial view. Pruddy cool.
Destinations: Namibia Central to Nth Namibia - Crossing into Zambia and then to Botswana.
Okay all finally I (Mike) get a turn on this website. The girls loves keeping me totally unaware of what stuff they put on this thing.
We left Swakopmund (quad biking place) and headed to Etosha NP. We managed to scam out of paying for camping for the 3 nights we stayed there. Highlights included:
- Seeing a pack of 10 lions: 1 male who serviced 5 females and 4 cubs. Mitch and I wished we were males lions. The lioness does everything, including killing the prey and looking after the cubs. The lion just sleeps, eats and provides service calls.
- Meeting Al's real siblings and relatives, the Rhino. It snorts a lot, gets angry, stops on everything, charges and anything that moves and is generally very angry. These are very similart characteristics to my Sis. Dont b surprised if Al remains in Africa.
- Heaps of elephants, Zebra, Giraffe, Wildebeast and other animals were viewed.
Next stop was Livingstone in Zambia:
- The Rhino came out on the border crossing. Visas were meant to be free but they charged us $25USD. Rhinalison started abusing the officals saying "i know where the money is going...to your family...you are all corrupt..." They were not very impressed. I was taken into a separate room the girls gave me a condom in case any funny business occurred but we were safe.
- Vic Falls was amazing. Again border crossings killed us. To get into Zimbabwe for 4 hours they were charging $30USD. Rhinalison flipped out. After eventually calming down she paid the fee the girls really enjoyed Vic Falls. Mitch and I remained on the Zambia side playing 500 (card game) i'd already seen Vic Falls, Mitch said he had seen a waterfall before (how cultured.)
- Booze Cruise followed that night. $35 USD for the cheapest dirtiest spirits. We were all maggot, very maggot. Drinking started at 4:15pm we finished the cruise at 7pm and know one remembers much at all. I think everyone passed out at 9pm, Bec and Al a little bit later as they frolicked in the pool naked. Leah, the environmentally friendly person she is, spewed off the side of the boat onto a Hippo. Mitch jumped off the boat with a local who told him it was a good idea. I've never seen him swim so fast in all his life. Would have loved to have a heart rate monitor on him. The river was full of crocs and Hippos. Whilst you may think Hippos are calm and slow they are actually very angry and violent creatures. I think they are relatives of the Rhino.
- If you want more details of the night you will have to ask individuals.
- Forgot to mention Bec and AL (all sharing a tent) woke up naked at 4am and Leah woke up in the girls close. Not sure what was going on there. Was pretty funny because we all woke up at the same time at 4am raring to kick on. Mind you we were still very drunk.
- The next morning's hangover was great. LEah was a great help packing up the site (extreme sarcasim!!!!!!). She spent at least 5 hours sitting in the shower on her thongs, had a few more spews and her brain was functioning at about 5% of normal capacity. Bec and Alison followed being quite useless and vomitting once each. Mitch and I felt like ass. Managing to play 500 very badly for most the day before we all headed off to Botswana.
Location: Sussosvlei & Swakomund, Namibia
From the airport we picked up our mad fourby and made our way through the Kalahari Desert in Botswana, across to Namibia.
We've been to the best display of sand dunes in the world. Sunrise and sunset and have already seen a whole bunch of African wildlife. We smashed our quads and burnt the shit out of our feet climbing up one of the biggest dunes, and then ran down it wieghtlessly.
Now at Swakomund which is where the desert reaches the sea. Shipwrecks in the water, awesome african architecture and beer at the sunset over the ocean.
Quad biking WAS f--kIN SSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCKKK
Wanted to post photos but the angry nigga wouldn't let us so we'll do it later. Hope everything is well at home, we heard about the bushfires in OZ. Hope everyone is safe, in terms of us - we're all really well and lovin it.
Location: Amsterdam - out on shrooms!!, Netherlands
Met up with mitch who'd been sleeping at the airport waiting for his lover mike!!! They would let go of each other!!!
Straight away we dropped our stuff at accomo and got shitfaced. Mitch was talking up how much he'd been drinking in Canada and how much of a hard core partier he was, but quickly became our leggless novelty. We went stumbling through the red light district teasing prostitutes and pushing Mitch into their dens. One even locked the door with him in there, shut the curtain and demanded 50 Euro. We got him out unvoilated.
Once he'd fallen down a 2m ditch and spewd his way to bed at bigdog time, we all hit the shrooms. Hahaha lets just say that in Amsterdam thay are not a drug they are a fungus and a damn good one at that. Absolutely crazy night, so much fun and weirdest / coolest experience ever including: fits of laughter, giggles, turning into a meat patty, wardrobes transforming, being attacked by a spoofmonster which turned out to be a dirty doona, watching a circuis, being alice in wonderland ..... put it this way we were wigging. Fun times.
After 2 full days of space cake, Js and mushies we crawled through a thunder storm to the airport.
Location: Manila - fucking hole!!!, Philippines
Arrived off the bus at 12pm. Got harrassed by feelipinos who wanted us to get in their taxi even though we couldn't fit with our massive board bag!! Coats cracked the shits walked off way from the annoying asians but she got even more invaded by more!! they stood in our faces while we consulted our friend, the lonely planet!! about 1am we were ready to scream. eventually hooked up a van that took us to a city close to the airport. Walked around till 4am looking for cheap/available accomo. 2 of us would mind the mass of bags we have, while 2 checked accomo. We had to fight off dirty,homeless kids. They'd grab and hug us while the others would try and grab our stuff. Pretty scary. Also heaps sad - some little boy were about 8yrs old and were blind drunk!!
Also so many homeless ppl asleep on the paths with little babies and children. Was horrible to see. Worst City. Makes Bangkok look like paradise.
Eventually got a room. Hanging around this dirty city now waiting to go to Amsterdam.
P.S mike's fire bum has cleared up!!
Oh and running jokes/comebacks:
"If you do that again i'll":
* mike "put tap water in your bottle so you get arse piss"
* girls to each other " i'll steal your pill, so that you erupt like a volcano
* everyone to twot "i'll steal your laxitives so you can't poo"
* girls to mike "we'll steal your immodium so you can't stop shitting yourself!!
Location: La Union - san Juan, Philippines
FEELIPINO - this title has a very disturburbing yet extremely funny story that we can't post coz we'll vomit like whores if we have to mentally relive it now...Will explain at home.......
* Girls r looking more manly than ever with cut arms from 9days straight surfing. It hurts!!
*We've been heaps lucky with the surf, 9days of awesome waves mostly to ourselves!! pretty rare as it's typhoon season so weather changes all the time.
* Mike got Coats again....Said to market dvd salesman "she want lesbian porn" the man won't leave her alone shoving porno's in her face.
* Lady man grabbed mike and said "i'm virgin and available"
* Couldn't go running on roads coz of imbread hungry dogs. Locals tip was to pick up a rock when they went at you and the dog will piss off. It worked even when we pretended.
*Couldn't go running on beach coz of imbread hungry feelipinos. Horniest asians!!! Suprising coz don't they have small doodles??
*Apparently us girls are "big and sexy"
* Mike accidently drank tap water when cleaning his teeth. Had explosive arse piss 5 times in one day, just before a 7hr bus trip- thank god for Immodium. First stop on the bus trip he pushed everyone out of the way for the dirty toilets. He loves it.
*Al did a fart on the bus (pretty bad one) mike "you're f--ked Al", AL replied "you're just jealous coz if you fart you'll explode and shit yourself"
*Got heaps pissed off a bottle of red each...so soft!!
*Getting to the surf is a mission. One time they threw our boards on top of these "jeepnee" things. Mike and Twot had to hang off the back and hold on for 15mins. So damn dodgy!!
THAT'LL DO FOR NOW
Hope everyone is having a great summer.